Chapter Two Master of the House

Chapter Two

Master of the house, doling out the charm. Ready with a handshake and an open palm”

I’m sorry” said Charming for the fifth time that morning. His wife didn’t answer as she continued tidying up the living room, moving around him as if he wasn’t there and making, in his opinion, an unnecessary amount of noise whilst she was doing it.

Charming decided he would be better off elsewhere in the castle so he went to see if his friend had risen from his bed yet.

About 100 yards from the bedroom door Charming got his answer, the loud snoring confirming that indeed Marius was still asleep.

He sighed and went to check on his three children, who were also still fast asleep in their beds, oblivious to the tension between their parents and more importantly the racket that their house guest was making. The clock in his daughters room said 6.30am, no one else would be awake for at least another hour or more.

He made his way back downstairs, into the kitchen. Making coffee he decided would be the most sensible thing to do. After starting the machine he wandered back to the living room. His wife was finishing arranging the cushions on the sofa, she stood up , hands on her hips and blew a strand of blonde hair from her face, scowling. Without making a sound he walked up behind her, putting his arms round her “You are beautiful when you’re angry” he whispered.

And you’re a pain in the ass when you’re drunk”

He answered her by softly nuzzling her neck “It’s still early. Everyone is asleep. Even the kids”

She smiled despite herself, they so rarely had any time together.

Shall we go back to bed?”

No” replied Charming as his hands started to wander “wouldn’t want to disturb anyone would we?”


Hook groaned as the mattress on the bed made a “whoomp” noise followed by another and another.

Go back to bed Joseph it’s too early, Mummy and Daddy are asleep”

Daddy! Daddy! Where the cwocodile? Where the cwocodile?!” the little boy continued his bouncing.

He’s asleep too. Go. Back. To. Bed” Hook pulled the covers over his head. Where did that boy get his energy from?

Joseph stopped bouncing and pouted “But Daddy..”

BED Joseph!”

Tinker Bell roused from her sleep to see her very downcast looking son clamber off the bed and toddle off back towards his own room. She slipped out from the covers, caught up with him and scooped him up in her arms much to his delight. “Would you like some milk Joey?”

He nodded and snuggled against her “Come on then”

One drink of warm milk later and little Joseph was fast asleep in his own bed cuddling his favourite toy.

Tinker Bell slid back into bed and nudged her husband “Meanie” she scolded.

He has to learn Tink, he can’t come in here at all hours”

Doesn’t mean you have to yell at him”

I didn’t yell I just raised my voice. Can we discuss this at a more reasonable hour?”

Sure” Tinker Bell replied curtly and huffed as she turned on her side away from Hook.

Tink..” Hook extended his arm and pulled her back towards him

What are you after James?” she was smiling but didn’t want him to know that. She was answered by the sound of her husbands snores.


Carlos had enjoyed the luxury of a very nice lie in, not having any youngsters about to disturb him.

He’d had a nice hot shower, a very leisurely breakfast, two cups of coffee and read the newspaper.

The sun was shining, birds were singing so he decided he would tidy the small yard at the back of the wine bar and maybe clean the windows too. Take advantage of the weather he thought.

He skipped down the stairs singing to himself as he went, his voice increasing in volume as he warmed to the song.

“Mariaaa I just met a girl named Mariaa! And suddenly that naaame will never be the saaame agaaaiin!”

He swung round the door frame and into the bar even attempting a couple of dance steps as he went.

“Maria Maaarriiiaaaa!”

So engrossed was Carlos in his little song and dance routine he failed to notice the twenty foot long crocodile that had spent the night there and who was trying desperately not to laugh.

“Mariaaaa Mariaaaargh” Carlos tripped over Dustin’s tail ending up sprawled on the floor.

“Mornin’ Carlos” the crocodile grinned “Need an ‘and?”


So it was much later on when all the windows had been washed, the yard tidied and a temporary play area set up in one corner of bar room, Carlos opened the doors to Fernandos.

There was a steady stream of passing trade to keep him occupied until his friends started to arrive.

Beast, Belle and their young daughter Emily May, who bore such a striking resemblance to her mother it was uncanny and according to Beast “Just as well she doesn’t look like me” although Belle often said she had her fathers stubborn streak.

They were followed by Hook, Tinker Bell and Joseph James who announced his arrival with a cry of “CWOCODILE!!!”

Hook started tell him off but was interrupted by Dustin “Shut up you miserable old sod. If the boy wants a ride ‘e can ‘ave one”

Hook sighed “I give up. Who wants a drink?”

A chorus of “I do” went up so he wandered up to the bar.

Suddenly the door burst open and Marius came striding through “Carlos!!! How the bloody hell are you?!”

“Hello Marius. I heard you were in town. Long time no see.”

“Indeed it is old friend! Drinks for everyone! I’m paying”

Carlos set about sorting the massive drinks order, he couldn’t help smiling at the fact people who had wanted single measures suddenly wanted doubles.

When everyone had their drink, Marius suddenly stood on a table and shouted “UP THE REVOLUTION!!!!”

There was an awkward silence until Hook turned, raised his glass and said dryly “Up your revolution mate”

It must have been a good ten minutes before the laughter died down.

Charming leaned in the doorway grinning like a Cheshire Cat.

“Not a word” warned Cinderella although she was trying not laugh as well.

Marius took a theatrical bow and jumped down off the table.


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