This is a little satire I wrote that takes a swipe at Il Divo Fan Fiction.. *ahem* yes I know.. that’s why I’m allowed to do it! It also takes a dig at the Divo Fandom whilst it’s at it 😀 Hope you enjoy
Isabel Brahms-Liszt, Director of Nail Filing, 35, sat in her well appointed office at SomeRandom Organization. The mahogany desk so well polished she could see the reflection of her immaculate blood red nails. She had spent the afternoon looking thoughtful, staring into the middle distance, sitting back in her chair and getting paid an improbable amount of money for doing so.
“I hope I’m not disturbing you” it was her boyfriend Hugh Clooney-Pitt, 37, with an athletic build, male model looks, bulging bank balance and a stallion in bed, he was every woman’s dream. Funny, articulate, multi lingual, he always knew which wine to order, her parents loved him as their own, his parents adored her, but he wasn’t enough for her any more.
Not since the day she’d found an Il Divo CD in her mother’s car and heard those four angelic voices sing. One in particular had found it’s way into her heart and she’d spent hours on Youtube watching videos of him.
Even though she’d never met him and had only managed to secure seats in the 11th row at their last concert, she knew they had shared a moment during Unchained Melody.
They were due to tour again, tour dates would start popping out of thin air any day now, she had already decided she would go to Meet and Greet at every single concert. She had talked to her boss about taking unlimited holiday on full pay, he had readily agreed.
Now all she had to do was tell Hugh.
“I have something to tell you..” he began, she smiled, it was so sweet the way he always knew exactly what she was going to say, and quite often he said it before she did.
“I was going to say that!”
“Yes I’m sure. Isabel I’m leaving you. I’ve been having an affair with the cleaning lady, we’re in love and I want to be with her”
Isabel was stunned. She had no idea the company even had a cleaning lady, she’d assumed her office was spotless because she never actually did any work.
“When did this happen?” she demanded.
“About 6 months ago. Isabel I’m sorry, but I can’t live with your ridiculous obsession over a man who has no idea you exist. I mean a harmless crush is one thing but when you super glued the life size picture of him to the bedroom ceiling it was the final straw”
“What? I didn’t mean that, I meant since when did we have a cleaning lady?”
Hugh didn’t bother to answer he just turned on the heel of his Hugo Boss shoe and walked out of the office, her life and his job. Rumour has it he and Dorothy the cleaning lady left the city to breed swamp rats somewhere near Louisiana.
For a whole five minutes Isabel was devastated until she realised her mascara wasn’t even running. Just as she was considering painting her nails black as a demonstration of her suffering she noticed an email from twitter.
She squealed with delight as she read he’d retweeted her tweet! The one that said:
“Can’t wait for the tour, coming to as many M&G’s as I can xx” @bloodrednaillady
He’d noticed her! It was obviously a sign they were meant to be together, even though he had a tendency to resend almost every tweet he received to his several thousand followers. Out of all the hundreds of messages she’d sent him on a daily basis he’d picked that one! It was irrelevant to her that all the others were near X rated and that he’d deleted the majority of them.
She decided a quick scan of the Official Website would be required to see if any tour dates had been announced, after all it had been almost an hour since she’d last looked and anything could have happened. But there was still nothing.
Never mind, tomorrow was another day, and she went back to staring thoughtfully into the middle distance.